My BFF and I were talking about being in love the other day. We both are in amazing relationships with men who seem to be exactly what we have been waiting for all this time. She had gone through a few frogs before she found her prince, and I had been alone- dreaming, hoping and wishing that someday, I would find the man that I fall in love with and marry.
It is absolutely the best feeling to care so much about another person that you would do anything for them.
But does
anything include changing who you are?
Let me back up a minute and bring a little context to this question. This friend of mine loved playing a sport. She would play on a lot of Saturdays with some people from work. The other day, someone from her work brought up the fact that once she got a boyfriend, she stopped playing, and that she shouldn't change who she is for a man, because no matter what man it is, they won't be around. So continue to always do the things you love.
If you believe what she said, then it is pretty sound advice. But we can't be so jaded by today's society to really truly believe that NO man will ever stay-can we? We can't base our reality on celebrities who are lucky to make it to the 5 year mark, or bad relationships we've had, or the cynical old bag at work. It's one thing to be content with flying solo. There is nothing wrong with knowing that you don't want a family and being perfectly content with being alone. But we can't just give up on what we want. That could be the romantic in me talking. Always hoping for a happy ending. But I refuse to believe that love doesn't last. I know that it takes work, and it's not always easy, but there is a man out there that will be worth the wait, and the work. And he will stay because he believes the same thing about you.
What if, until you found this person, you were filling your days with stuff you had fun doing, but once you found HIM, your whole paradigm shifted?
That's what happened to my friend. She would rather spend her Saturday with her man, then go play this sport with her co-workers. She isn't changing
for her man. She is changing
with her man. A single person's activities and a coupled person's activities change. Life starts becoming series of events that you can do together. Granted there needs to be a balance. A way to keep your individuality, but that's what your friends are there for. I have a group of girlfriends that I don't know what I would do without. They are my core friends that keep me grounded and fulfilled.
I know that my idea of fun has changed drastically since I was single. The days of taking multiple pre-party shots, clubbing till late, dancing with strangers, and cabbing it home are long gone.
I find myself more content watching a re-run of Seinfeld with my boyfriend while snuggling on the couch than embarking on a late night out. Does that mean that I don't love to dance my ass off at a club anymore and I've changed my personality to fit what my man wants, NO.
I think that in relationships, the
you that you were when you were single changes. It adapts to be part of an
us. And I think that is completely natural and normal. A relationship will not survive without adaptations.
Don't you think some sort of CHANGE is NORMAL when you are in love?
it will build the proper foundation by always being able to say how you feel.
